Episode 135 - Anal Cancer Holocaust

Episode Number: 135
Title: "Anal Cancer Holocaust"
Recorded: 16 January 2009
Run Time: 2:57:12
File Size: 83.2 MB

Description/Details

There was a fun discussion, a good time with the live audience, and a SYN that speculated on how many heartbeats some...shall we say "living challenged" entertainers have left.

Guest

Lexington & Whatevski from Hand Solo Records stopped by to talk up their musical artistry and reaffirm our belief that Canada can be just as "gangsta" as you could hope. See their new video before the rest of the world here, and leave a comment mentioning The Awful Show to get free stuff from them and us. And don't forget to check out the album "Pregger Can't Be Choosers" that drops on 1/29/2009. website | myspace

Nerraux News

• Does that make them all "wet pussies"?
• He wanted to see ehat he looked like inside
• Rapist wins lottery, gets irony
• Seriously...come out...pleeeeeeeease?!
• I'd eat the bastard
• Oh Seacrest...you hilarious little fag...
• Maybe he just really needed the meat.
• Once again, 'abuse' is a relative term
• This story spurned Tha Mike into one of the worst rants in show history

Games

Keyz hosted a game of "Screw Your Neighbor" titled "YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!" about people who top the 2009 dead pools.

Questions

1. At #49, I was once the champion of the world. I was pretty. I flew like a butterfly and stung like a bee. Now, I'm just a frail, old has-been crippled by Parkinson's. The only dancing my feet are doing now are the steps to the grave. Who am I?
2. I'm #47, HAA HAA HAA! At my age I ought to be #1, cause after all without all this make-up there's nothing but a skeleton! It's a good thing no one has to see my face when I play Peter's mother Thelma on "Family Guy". Who am I?
3. And now the news. I hold the #42 spot on the list, which coincidentally is just about the number of years you had to watch me being full of shit on the CBS Evening News. And that's the way it is. Who am I.
4. Talk about an irony! I am #41 on the death list? I'm not supposed to die. I am supposed to help OTHER people die. I suppose it was bound to happen though, spending 8 years in prison AND carrying around Hepatitis. Who am I?
5. I am #37 on the list. I am actually shocked; I expected to be long dead by now, with having been married 8 times (hell, twice to Richard Burton ) and in the end, what will I be remembered for. Saying Maggie's 1st word on "The Simpsons". Oh, well. Who am I?
6. How is it that I have a website dedicated to telling people I am not dead yet, and I am only #36 on the list. Hey, that is the exact number of movies I have made! And people just point at me and say "Hey! It's Fish"! Who am I?
7. Since I am #35 on the list, it would seem my time is short. So I just want to clear two things up. I have never squated on a dildo naked and I have never eaten out the queen's bitch wrinkle, despite what you heard in my interview on this show. Who am I?
8. Baam, ba bump bump. I'm #30 on the list. Funny a cop would last as long as I have, even if I was just a TV on Dragnet in the late 60's (and of course in the movie two decades later). I attribute the gap to my time in Korea as Colonel Potter on M*A*S*H. Who am I?
9. How the hell did I get to be #26 on the list?? Oh, that's right. Pancreatic cancer. Well, at least I am getting the best care money can buy. Not quite as good as Bill Gates would get since I am second to him. But still pretty good. Who am I?
10. M-I-C...See, I'm #24 on the list. K-E-Y...Why, probably because I have MS. I wonder if that had anything to do with me making all those sexy beach movies in the 60s. I just hope Keyz doesn't try to grope me when I am wearing a diaper. Who am I?
11. I'm #23 on the list. My husband, the 40th president of the united states died back in 2004 and I'm not far behind. I remember how he used to call me mommy. But soon enough, everyone will be calling me worm food. Who am I?
12. What is this death list bullshit? #19? I'm never gonna die; I'm too ornery! I made 80 goddamn movies and had 4 boys: Michael, Joel, Peter and Eric, though Michael was the only one to successful follow in my footsteps. Maybe Ms. Zeta-Jones helped that. BTW if you tell anyone my real name is Issur Danielovitch, I'll take you to the grave with me! Who am I?
13. How is it that I am #15 on the list. I'm only 61 years old! Maybe it was because I was married to the 6 million dollar man. Or it could be because I had anal cancer. How embarrasing! I wonder if I got it from that bugeyed proctologist in Cannonball Run. Who am I?
14. How Ironic. I am #12 on the list, and I can't even go to my own clinic for help because it is full of winos and junkies. At least I can say I was married to the the thirty-eighth President of the United States, though I can't believe how a moron like him ever got elected. Who am I?
15. I am number #10 on ze list, dahling. And what a life I have lead! I zink ze highlight was when I slapped zat cop in Beverly Hills. Oh, ze publicity I enjoyed! But now I am 90 and after a stroke, not as full of piss and vinegar. Who am I, dahling?
16. I guess I should be happy to be #4 for natural causes. I know the US would have taken great delight in shooting me. The Bay of Pigs, the Cuban Missile Crisis, ahh, so much fun. But very tiring for this old man. Death, I fear it not! Who am I?
17. Wow, I'm #2? Really? Hey, no body puts baby in the corner, well except for pancreatic cancer. And pneumonia. Well, at least I will get a chance to really haunt Demi Moore! Who am I?
18. Yeah I'm #1. And I'm also the fattest Senator of the U.S for like 45 years now. Wanna fight about it? Sorry, I guess all the brain cancer has made me a little crabby. Anyway before I die I just want to assure you that I did not kill that Kopechne broad. The water in the pond did. Who am I?
19. I'm #6, praise Jesus, hallelujah! Sure, I made some anti-semitic comments. Sure, I called AIDS a judgment of God. And, yes, I was even an avid supporter of Richard Nixon. But I can still get into heaven? Can't I? Who am I?
20. I am #5 and I will go ahead and give you my real name in dis question. It is (Ali Hasan Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti). You just need to say my nickname. But please do it quickly. I am being hanged for genocide and crimes against humanity soon. Who am I?

Answers

1. Muhammad Ali
2. Phyllis Diller
3. Walter Cronkite
4. Jack Kevorkian
5. Elizabeth Taylor
6. Abe Vigoda
7. Margaret Thatcher
8. Harry Morgan
9. Steve Jobs
10. Annette Funicello
11. Nancy Reagan
12. Kirk Douglas
13. Farrah Fawcett
14. Betty Ford
15. Zsa Zsa Gabor
16. Fidel Castro
17. Patrick Swayze
18. Ted Kennedy
19. Billy Graham
20. Chemical Ali

Songs

• "Sun Came Up" by Li'l Whyte
• "Mech's Eye View" by LogicOne
• "Dead and Famous" by Lexington & Whatevski
• "Sirens in the Deep Sea" by Longwave

"(HFSIB) 3 Awful Years" Track Breakdown

1. Puerto Rican (0:21)
2. Show 135 Introduction (5:57)
3. How Was Yer Week - Joel (2:05)
4. How Was Yer Week - Keyz (4:19)
5. How Was Yer Week - Nerraux (5:35)
6. How Was Yer Week - Tha Mike (5:37)
7. The Mail...The Mail's Here! (21:12)
8. Voicemails, We Take Your Voicemails! (12:34)
9. Sun Came Up - Li'l Whyte (4:41)
10. Nerraux News (19:45)
11. ASS Championship - Round 1 (20:40)
12. Mech's Eye View - LogicOne (4:53)
13. A Momentary Lapse with Joel (1:13)
14. Lexington & Whatevski Interview (21:04)
15. Dead and Famous - Lexington & Whatevski (5:09)
16. Screw Your Neighbor - Round 1 (13:59)
17. The Poop Doosh (2:17)
18. Screw Your Neighbor - Round 2 (14:50)
19. Show 135 Closing (3:14)
20. Sirens in the Deep Sea - Longwave (5:04)
21. Show 135 Aftershow (2:19)

Links

• Episode Homepage
• Episode Download (Right-click and "Save Link as..." to download)