Announcer: Hey, lovers. Does this sound familiar?
(amusement park sounds)
Lance Manload: Hey, honey. Let's go on The Colostomizer!
Scotty Stooldrip: Okay. That looks like fun.
(roller coaster sounds)
Lance: Here we go.
Scotty: (echo - in mind) Oh, god. I can't get diarrhea now! Why does it have to come on so suddenly! Ohhhhhh...can't hold it.
(various rude sounds, followed by screaming)
Announcer: Well, friends. No longer does this need to be a concern. From Omnipons industries, the makers of Manpons and Buzzpons comes the latest orifice protection product...
Asspons are the first line of defense in the prevention of diarrhea mishaps. Simply insert the asspon with the smooth glide applicator, and go about your normal routine. Asspons' absorbent material will soak up excess colonic liquid while at the same time preventing the flow of rectal fluid outside of the body. When pills and other medicines fail, asspons prevail!
Lance: Sweetie? Will you be okay to go on The Colostomizer again?
Scotty: I'll be fine. I just need to change my asspon!
Lance: Ooooh! Can I do it...with my teeth?
Scotty: Oh, baby! You sure can.
(composite shit explosion sound)
Announcer: Don't suffer the embarassment of explosive diarrhea in public. Enjoy life again with asspons!
Available at all Left-Aid, Akkard, VCS and Fred's Ass Shack locations.
Notes of Interest Edit
- The characters of Lance Manload and Scotty Stooldrip can be heard on several song covers on the show.
- Left-Aid, Akkard and VCS are parody names of drug stores Rite-Aid, Eckerd and CVS, respectively.